Let's speak English!
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@Bellatrix Lestrange well, it may seem here like „to“ should be followed by infinitive form of verb (since it normally works like that), however, in this case it is more about a collocation rooted in verb patterns of specific items…which is in this particular case look forward to + gerund
If you do not believe me, see http://dictionary.cambridge.org/…rward-to-sth
Sample sentence: I am really looking forward to you realizing you were wrong. 
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@Meluzinecka You are right, my English isn´t perfect and I am also very often absentminded. Sorry. 
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So this topic is dead in water now?
Nobody speaks English anymore? How about some jokes?
A guy goes in a bar and orders a beer. He notices a gal noticing him and buys her a beer, too. After several beers the guy says, " I'm not from around here, how bout we go to your place and get acquainted more.
The gal says, OK, but I have to tell you I'm on my menstral cycle." The guy replies, „that's OK, I'll just follow ya on my Honda!“
One with a picture:
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„I told you it was fcuking hunting season Doreen but nooooo, we had to visit your sisters near the lake!“
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Yes, evidently nobody wants to converse in English any more 
@Virginian I have one for you too: What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? Banned from the zoo
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Sorry, I just could not resist
A man goes to the pharmacy and says I need condoms for my 12 year old daughter. The pharmacist says your daughter is sexually active? The dad says no she just lays there like her mother.
A man is sitting in a hospital room when the doctor walks in. „I have some bad news“ says the doctor. „You have Cancer and Alzheimer's.“ the man laughs and says „Well at least I don't have Cancer!“
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@Meluzinecka píše:
Yes, evidently nobody wants to converse in English any more
@Virginian I have one for you too: What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? Banned from the zoo
Reminds me:
My grandfather had the heart of a lion - and lifetime ban from Brooklyn Zoo.
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@Virginian I can remember only one. Knock, knock! Who is it? This is Mary. What Mary? Merry Christmas!
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Yeah, knock, knock jokes.
Here is one I feel too lazy to translate:
Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he’d been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened. “Well, Dad,” said Pete, “ I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons.” “Uh-huh,” said the father, “that seems fair.” “I know, but I never thought he’d choose his sister!”
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A handful of Irish jokes:
Mick says to Paddy: „Close your curtains the next time you're makin love to your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.“
Paddy says: „Well the joke's on them stupid people, because I wasn't even home yesterday.“
Paddy & Mick find three grenades, so they take them to a police station.
Mick: „What if one explodes before we get there?“
Paddy: „We'll lie and say we only found two.“
Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. „I think it's got epilepsy“ he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says „It seems calm enough to me“.
Paddy says, „I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet“.
Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the bloody thing up.
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road. Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road. Cop says „For god's sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!“
An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife says „Why don't you put an advert in the paper?“
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
„What did you put in the paper?“ his wife asks.
„Here boy!“ he replies.
Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. „What the hell you doing?“ he asks.
„Hanging myself“ Paddy replies.
„It should be around your neck“ says the Guard.
„I know“ says Paddy „but I couldn't breathe“.
An answer I can understand….. An American tourist asks an Irishman: „Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?“
To which the Irishman replies: „If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the bloody boat.“
Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
Answer - So the English can understand them.
Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.
Quinn told him that he's very lucky, because his own wife makes him walk.
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, ‚Not guilty.‘ ‚That‘s grand!' shouted Reilly. ‚Does that mean I can keep the money?‘
Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, ‚Is that you I hear spittin‘ in the vase on the mantelpiece?' ‚No,‘ said himself, ‚but I‘m gettin' closer all the time.'
Finnegan: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up ‚til two o‘clock in the morning. I can't break her out of it.
Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
Finnegan: Waitin' for me to come home.
Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. ‚Quick!‘ he said. Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!' ‚Tell me, is this her first baby?‘ the intern asked. ‚No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin‘.'
Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?
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Hi all,
I´m looking for someone on maternity leave for English conversation. Is there someone who would you like to speaking F2F on a weekly basis in Brno? I have son (7 months) and I would like to better my communication skills. Thanks and Happy Easter:)
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Yossele Zelkovitz worked in a Jewish pickle factory. For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist..
After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.
The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.
Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. She looked up and said:
„I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?“
Yossel replied: „I think she got fired, too.“
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Hi all, I'd like to restore the discussion! SO, how did you spare your Christmas and New year? 
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@zzuza Hi there I dont like Xmas that much but I was with my family so at least something what about u?
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We can speak only English here? OK, I'm in! But my grammar isn't good at all! 
Well, Christmas was nice, it's fun with two baby boys under the Tree The older one was always like: Really? This is for ME? REALLY? Just cute! And till morning he was told to his younger brother: You have to be nice, or Baby Jesus won't come! Sweet kids 
Příspěvek upraven 05.01.16 v 10:40
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